The Scale Gospel

 I find myself so often adhering to the gospel of the scale.

I know it doesn't make sense... but I tell myself that I am justified by a number.

I am good if I have stayed under a certain caloric intake.

I am good if I have ran a certain number of miles.

I am good if my clothes fit well.

So, naturally...

I am bad, worthless, disgusting, horrible, ugly if I have eaten too many calories, too much of one macronutrient (specifically carbs), haven't ran enough in awhile, have a bit of pudge over the top of my jeans, etc. etc.

I have set this standard for myself and if I don't reach it, I am not worth loving.

It is directly correlated to how I feel about myself in other areas.

When I don't meet this standard I start to think of myself as a bad wife (good wives stay in shape for their husbands and don't let themselves go), I am a bad mom (I will not be able to play with my child well and he will be embarrassed of me), I am a bad Christian (if I really loved Jesus I would be able to always eat perfectly healthy and exercise to take care of my temple).

What's funny is... nowhere in the Bible does it list an ideal weight.

Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus instruct women on how many miles they should run...

or how their skinny jeans should fit. (I promise, I've looked).

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we set these strange standards?

In Biblical times they required memorization of the Torah, circumcision, avoiding certain foods.

I am a Pharisee and I am doing the same thing... just putting a new spin on it.

What impossible standards have you set for yourself? What makes you feel like you are worthy?