This is rest. This is 2015.

We are exactly 3 weeks into the year 2015.

I've never picked a word for the new year. I've done (and quit) resolutions a plenty.

As I mulled over what I felt like God kept throwing it my face to focus on this year... it became painfully obvious...

Rest.

Isn't picking "rest" for the year kind of an anti-resolution? It sounds so lazy... unproductive.

It's such a heavy word for me, though. Rest in who Christ made me to be. Rest in how the Spirit has equipped me. Rest in my identity in Jesus. Physically rest when my flesh tells me I need to exercise because a nap doesn't burn calories.

Resting (in every sense of the word) is really difficult for someone who wants everyone to see them as productive, intelligent, healthy and in shape. Resting is difficult for someone who craves approval like sugar (and, in all honesty, craves sugar, too). Resting is difficult for someone who feels they have to earn everything in life.

So I don't predict this being a particularly easy year in that sense. I'm still in counseling for this very issue. There have been a few days that I made my exhausted self take a nap instead of go for a run. I have gained weight. I don't know if that's from stress eating or lack of exercise or both. It's really hard for me. I want to just exercise all the extra calories off. But I feel like over and over God is saying REST.

I don't know if I will end this year a person capable of resting. I do long for the peace that surpasses all understanding. I long to be someone who rests in her identity in Christ, regardless of weight or appearance. I know that God will complete a good work in me... I just need to believe that the good work is defined by him.. not me... and that I don't have to do anything to add to what has already been done for me on the cross.