2018 in review
My two older boys are playing with Legos at the kitchen table while my baby crawls beneath my feet. My toddler daughter is out on a date with her daddy and soup is simmering on the stove next to two loaves of freshly-baked bread. If you omit the sink filled with dirty dishes and mountains of laundry on the couch, it's pretty picture perfect in my world. Also, let's pretend I've showered today and I'm not wearing sweats adorned with snot and spit-up.
I wrote in January of 2018 that this would be my year of embracing my roles. Of maintaining what I already have instead of trying to tack on more.
It feels interesting, in hindsight, that so much was stripped away in 2018 that I was more or less forced to embrace my bare bones calling. There wasn't room for adding responsibilities outside of my own four walls. Children were needy, my marriage begged for attention, friendships teetered on the edge of collapse. So many prayers were slow deep breaths of, "Lord, help me" followed quickly by, "I can't do this." Somehow, the floor managed to stay littered with books, duplos, and the occasional baby sock, despite my best efforts. Somehow, despite my worst efforts, my husband and I ended the year closer than ever. Somehow, thanks to Jesus, I am here typing away today.
I didn't become better at writing in 2018, and that's okay. In fact, it was so neglected I'd say I probably got worse at it.
I did learn that, if done correctly, relationships are simultaneously the best and worst part of life. We can keep everyone at a distance and protect ourselves from hurt feelings and heartbreak, but we also keep ourselves from the fruit of intimacy. My feelings were definitely hurt in 2018. I was betrayed, deceived, and lied about. I was accused of things I didn't do. But, I definitely did my share of hurting others and speaking out of self-righteous arrogance. I over-performed to try and win the attention of others. I held too tightly to relationships that needed to be released.
Thankfully, Jesus is still King and all is well. I can only do my best, as Romans 12:18 says, to "live at peace with everyone." And, by the grace of God, I have learned that once I have done my part, I must hold people loosely and trust Him with the rest.
As I look ahead to 2019, I honestly don't know what it holds. But I do know that today I can ask God to help me faithfully obey Him in everything He lays before me. It isn't easy. I want to be grumpy if I am tired and I want to order pizza instead of cook when I am feeling lazy (despite that being poor financial stewardship in our current season). But, as Elisabeth Elliot quoted from the old anglo-saxon poem, I can simply, "Do the next thing."
So, there aren't any lofty goals or resolutions for me. I don't really even have a "Word" for the year, though, if I did, it would simply be: "Obey."
I do want to improve my writing this year and all of the experts say that you only get better at things by doing them regularly, so I am hoping to write more frequently. Everything will likely be brimming with typos and double-negatives, but I do want to refine my skills.
So, here we go. Happy New Year, friends.
I wrote in January of 2018 that this would be my year of embracing my roles. Of maintaining what I already have instead of trying to tack on more.
It feels interesting, in hindsight, that so much was stripped away in 2018 that I was more or less forced to embrace my bare bones calling. There wasn't room for adding responsibilities outside of my own four walls. Children were needy, my marriage begged for attention, friendships teetered on the edge of collapse. So many prayers were slow deep breaths of, "Lord, help me" followed quickly by, "I can't do this." Somehow, the floor managed to stay littered with books, duplos, and the occasional baby sock, despite my best efforts. Somehow, despite my worst efforts, my husband and I ended the year closer than ever. Somehow, thanks to Jesus, I am here typing away today.
I didn't become better at writing in 2018, and that's okay. In fact, it was so neglected I'd say I probably got worse at it.
I did learn that, if done correctly, relationships are simultaneously the best and worst part of life. We can keep everyone at a distance and protect ourselves from hurt feelings and heartbreak, but we also keep ourselves from the fruit of intimacy. My feelings were definitely hurt in 2018. I was betrayed, deceived, and lied about. I was accused of things I didn't do. But, I definitely did my share of hurting others and speaking out of self-righteous arrogance. I over-performed to try and win the attention of others. I held too tightly to relationships that needed to be released.
Thankfully, Jesus is still King and all is well. I can only do my best, as Romans 12:18 says, to "live at peace with everyone." And, by the grace of God, I have learned that once I have done my part, I must hold people loosely and trust Him with the rest.
As I look ahead to 2019, I honestly don't know what it holds. But I do know that today I can ask God to help me faithfully obey Him in everything He lays before me. It isn't easy. I want to be grumpy if I am tired and I want to order pizza instead of cook when I am feeling lazy (despite that being poor financial stewardship in our current season). But, as Elisabeth Elliot quoted from the old anglo-saxon poem, I can simply, "Do the next thing."
So, there aren't any lofty goals or resolutions for me. I don't really even have a "Word" for the year, though, if I did, it would simply be: "Obey."
I do want to improve my writing this year and all of the experts say that you only get better at things by doing them regularly, so I am hoping to write more frequently. Everything will likely be brimming with typos and double-negatives, but I do want to refine my skills.
So, here we go. Happy New Year, friends.
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