When Your Spouse is Cold to Jesus

 For the last several years, my husband has struggled with spiritual apathy and dryness. 

It started shortly after I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. Shortly after recovering, I became pregnant with our third child. My husband had received some disappointing career news, which led to an expected "funk." Unfortunately, this coincided with a time of transitioning churches meaning he had minimal biblical community and little to no accountability. It created the perfect storm for a "funk" to easily slide into a years-long season of darkness spiritually. Despite his continued discipline of daily bible reading and weekly worship services, all of his zeal for the Lord was gone. His heart was apathetic at best, which trickled down into our marriage and his parenting. 

I felt incredibly lonely. We shared no spiritual interest or desires, which meant our shared conversations revolved around family logistics and meaningless check-ins. My husband drifted away from me and I found solace in my friendships. I respected my husband enough to not share his struggles, so parts of my life were rendered off-limits in conversation. I sat quietly as friends shared about family devotionals, biblical conversations with husbands, and biblical parenting methods. I was so alone and desperate.

This desperation led to a tight-fisted attempt to control. I texted my husband bible verses, links to articles, and prayers. I left Christian books on his bedside table. I begged pastors to check in with him. Finally, he asked me to stop trying to fix him.

Tearfully, receiving this admonition as a sign of resignation from my husband, I asked what I could do when everything seemed to be falling apart?

"Just pray for me. I don't want to be like this either."

That was in 2017.

He continued the daily disciplines. He began to open up in small groups and with pastors. But his heart remained cold. 

I continued to pray. I filled journal after journal, not only begging the Lord to soften my husband's heart, but to soften mine... to show me ways I could better serve my husband in this desolation.

This past winter we hit a hard season financially. The Lord has provided, but most importantly, my husband is back. His heart is back. The prayers I have prayed for 7 years are finally being answered. Our physical and logistical situation might be difficult, but this has been the situation through which our faithful, unchanging Savior has chosen to revive my husband's spiritual affections. I simply needed to get out of the way and allow the Holy Spirit to work in his timing. 

I share this as an encouragement to anyone in a difficult marital season. Press into Jesus. Pray for your husband. Pray for yourself. I never could have known it would take seven years, and I know there are spouses who have prayed longer. 

4 But[c] God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God."