Chili and smallness

Today it is unseasonably chilly. It is August 19th in Oklahoma and I am wearing a sweatshirt. What is this life? I took my toddler on a mom/son date today and I had to go out to the garage to find his fall clothes. I can't help but wonder how many perfectly planned first-day-of-school outfits were ruined today due to Mother Nature.

I went to the store to buy chili ingredients because I have this thing where if the temperature drops below 75, I think I have to eat chili. It's a real thing. I also think anything over 82 degrees warrants iced coffee. It is what it is. Jeff says I have seasonal tastes. I don't know that it's true but I am definitely a creature of habit and so I found myself driving to the store and perusing the aisles picking up the memorized ingredients of the beloved chili recipe my dad has made for years. I lamented not having enough cash left in my grocery budget for the week to buy cornmeal because WHAT IS CHILI WITHOUT CORNBREAD but, alas, I digress.

On a very much unrelated note, 

I have realized over the past few weeks that I am not as humble as I thought I was.

I think I thought because I don't feel like I really brag about myself or that I am (sometimes) willing to ask (certain) people for help, that makes me humble. That I have no problem admitting my faults or displaying weakness... also, that I will let people come over when my house is messy or talk about how crazy my kids make me. So, so humble. 

It's come to my attention lately that I think I have the mandate on ways people should live, be married, do community, whatever. Now, some of that isn't arbitrary... I do consult my Bible on occasion, but to think my way is the right way? So the opposite of humble.

I think there's a weird fine line between humility and firmness in belief. Jesus was obviously the picture of humility... but he didn't back down on his values or betray the gospel so people would like him... he kind of did the opposite. 

What areas is it okay to stand my ground? And when do we interject ourselves and when do we just let it play out? How do you stand firm in your beliefs in a humble way that doesn't betray your beliefs at the same time? 

The process of realizing I'm not humble has been, well, humiliating. But... it is a process of realizing my smallness. My limited authority. My limited ability and knowledge. Isn't this something to embrace? My life is small... but there is One who is bigger. Jesus did things in small ways... and the Bible references small things as things to be celebrated- a mustard seed, a boy's meager lunch, etc. My words, though to a small audience (in number and stature), can be multiplied if spoken through the guidance of the Holy Spirit... the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead all those years ago. Being humbled and reminded of my smallness is such a blessing... though a difficult one. I do not have the authority on anything... and thank God I don't. I must became less, he must become more.

So, I will make a pot of chili. No one will applaud. I will break up fights, lifeguard, read books, pick up toys, run baths, brush teeth and take out the dog. It is a small life I live. But with the biggest purpose.