Loneliness and Pain

It's been a season of loneliness for us around here.

Our life is still in transition mode. As I referenced previously, God has flipped all of our seemingly stable tables over... and here we sit in the midst of the mess, chairs spinning, surrounded by glass shards and moldy crumbs. Our plans have been stripped away to reveal hidden idols and misplaced hopes. Now, we just sit staring at the wall... uncertain of what tomorrow brings.

Life is funny like that. You take what you know and, to the best of your ability, cautiously step forward... all the while looking around to make sure you didn't mess it up somehow. As you take more steps, you grow in confidence, eventually finding yourself skipping and running toward your goal. You bring others in and share excitedly the plans you think God has laid on your heart. It feels like it might work.

Then, it doesn't.

Since hindsight is 20/20, it seems so obvious now... from those first awkward toddling steps. Why didn't we see it then? Why didn't anyone tell us? Maybe, just maybe, because in those early stages, we were too afraid to listen? Too afraid to tell the right people that would challenge us? Too afraid to speak with any sort of certainty or confidence?

So, here it goes. A new season of uncertainty. Stumbling forward. Only now, after the major misstep of the last few years, we find ourselves a little jaded... a little weary of anyone who encourages us or alludes to a path of ease. With large chips on our shoulders and only each other to bear the burden, we find ourselves trudging on this new path... and in the process of leaving the only community where we really felt known, we are starting over with new community... trying to be vulnerable when vulnerability might be the scariest thing we can do at this moment.

Jesus promises to equip us through our times of struggle. Not to take them away... but to bear our burden and see us through. He has given us everything we will ever need. And, if we feel something is missing, maybe it's because we don't actually need it.

So, it's in this new season of weariness, that we face the painful process of being pruned of idols we didn't realize we had... with nothing fancy to hide behind as we introduce ourselves to a new community. It's just us. Stripped bare in this most fragile of states. We stand, our worn tired fingers gripping only each other's, hoping that this time might be different... maybe this time we will learn to be content in every situation. Maybe this time we will learn that Jesus really is enough... and our worthiness and value is found in Him alone.